Angry Parenting Approach: Not a Solution

Anger is not benign in its impact. On various levels it affects environment and people around the angry person. Similarly, angry parents have a direct impact on their kids and home environment. Having occasional outbursts of anger because of teenagers’ defiant behavior is normal and understandable. However, when the outbursts escalate to a point where parents shout at their teens in anger for every little mistake, then there is a need for some parent anger management counseling. This is the point when your anger starts to hurt your kids. Therefore, parents need to control their temperament and extremely angry ones should seek professional help to learn how to control anger with kids.

What learnt will be difficult to unlearn

Psychologists and researchers have said that young kids and teenagers internalize the anger displayed by their parents, which is expressed in later life in some form of deviant behavior. They believe that children of angry parents tend to display aggressive behavior as adults. They have issues complying with the law and order of society and may become delinquents since teenage time. Such teenagers may abuse their spouse as an adult and exhibit signs of clinical depression and partial or complete social alienation.

Learning from parents’ behavior

Children take direct and indirect lessons from the environment at home and outside. Parents leave deep marks on their behavior and personality. If parents exhibit recurrent, out of control, brash and aggressive behavior, the teenagers are going to adopt it as a correct way to express their frustration. This can lead to defiant behavior in your teen and he/she may become a bully at school. Instead of giving a confused message to your teens – where you expect them to be polite and calm, while being all aggressive – show them the right behavior towards conflicts and how to handle them.

Vulnerability and insecurity

Ideally, parents are safe haven of kids, no matter which age group they belong to. Despite all the moodiness and desire for freedom, teens secretly look for security and stability that could only be provided by the parents. However, when they witness bouts of extreme and uncontrollable anger of their caretakers, they feel their secure and safe world being shaken. This scares the teen and he/she lives in a constant state of fear that anything they do may cause their parents to erupt.

Stay calm

If parents want to show their kids the correct way of expressing themselves, they would have to first control their irrational outburst. Parents should not try to control their kids and their behavior through anger. Expecting your teens to alter their behavior because you’re angry is a very misleading message that you are sending to them. But when parents remain calm in a frustrating situation and deal with the problem in a calm and rational manner, it sends a very positive message to your teens. Therefore, parents with anger issues should take therapy to learn how to control anger with kids.

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