Finalizing a divorce can be an excruciatingly painful period for both the parents on emotional and physical levels. The focal point of such disputes when the time of separation draws nearer is the reaction of children after divorce. Research shows that exhibition of negative behavior by parents after divorce causes more problems to a child than the parents who are going through the same turmoil. This is especially true for children who decide to live with either parent after separation. Read on to know the finer points of co-parenting after divorce.
Doing things the right way
How parents approach the issues of custodial rights, visiting rights, and sharing parenting responsibilities, will decide whether their child/children suffers in life or remains free from the grip of sorrow. Children suffer the most when parents start using them as shields and weapons against each other.
Divorcing parents often try to be controlling when it comes to their ex-spouse. This is a wasteful activity due to the reason that a partner who did not change for you during the relationship, will not change now. Such attitude invites conflict and the children have to bear the brunt of hostilities flying high because they are being used as tools of info transfer between the warring parties.
Parents also need to grow up just like their children when the former start showing signs of fading maturity. The decision to deal responsibly with the custody issues and transition from one home to another for children is a sure sign of a mature head. Let the child be the ultimate winner by giving him the best of both houses (mom’s and dad’s) to provide basic security to the teen kids.
Maintaining a positive relationship with your ex will hugely favor your teen child’s development. If this is hard for any one of you, try to show common courtesy and your well-bred side. This attitude will help teens in accommodating with the parent they chose to live with.
If your kid is living with you then discussing your ex with your offspring is a bad idea because children prefer to remain loyal to both the parents unless one of you initiates an aggressive brainwashing campaign. One parent trashing another is not a good sight for kids and they react by not believing in anything anymore.
Your children are not to be used as messengers between you and your ex-spouse. Communication between former partners is effective if it is carried out through a direct link.
Once the entire process of divorce is finalized and the custody of children is decided upon, parents usually get to spend time with the kids through a court order. Do not destroy your child’s fragile world by not showing up on time when you have promised to take the kid somewhere. The anger felt by the child as a result of your actions will eventually surface one day and come to bite you where it hurts.
Reveal what you really feel
- Parents should tell their kids that they still love them and will never isolate them from their lives.
- The divorce was a result of adult problems and had nothing to do with the child.
- Treat them as human beings and not as property to be won in pitched court battles.
- Ensure that teens are financially secure from both sides to keep their progress stable.