As a stepparent, the first thing you want to do is to bond with your stepchildren. However, it’s not an easy thing to do because the sensitive nature of the fragile relationship that is just in its infancy stage. You may say or do something that might offend the kids, and then it’ll be pretty difficult to bounce back from that. Knowing that, it is advised that you prepare yourself to win over their love and trust. To help you blend with your step-kids, we have highlighted five mistakes that you should not make at all, as recovering from them won’t be easy.
Trying to Act Cool
When stepparents move in with the new kids, they want to come off as cool. They use modern slurs or try to act tech savvy, and quite often end up failing at both. Their intentions are clear, they want to be someone that kids can talk to and share everything with. However, when you’re a step-parent, you can’t expect things to be great from the get-go, not that it never happens. Kids need time to access you as a person and accept you as their new parent. So instead of acting all cool and hip, it is advised that you stick to being yourself and let things settle with time.
Badmouthing the Biological Parent
No matter how good you are with your step-kids and how close they are to you, you just can’t bad mouth their real parents. This will put them off so much that they might not even speak to you for a long time. It will also put you on thin ice, and anything you say after badmouthing the real parent can be seen as offensive. They might find it difficult to trust you again, and probably lose respect for you. So the bottom line is, you should never ever badmouth the real parents of your stepchildren.
Not Giving Kids Alone-Time with the Biological Parent
You do want to make an impression on the stepchildren, but that does not mean that you try to be with them every chance you get. You have got to give them their space, especially when they are talking to their real parent, i.e. your spouse. They don’t feel comfortable with you being around in the early stages, and just want to share things with their biological parent. If you keep intervening in those conversations, hoping to be a part of it, then you will just ruin things for yourself. This is why it is advised that you stay away from your spouse when your stepchildren are talking to them.
Taking Things Personally
It is hard when stepchildren don’t give you attention despite you doing your best. However, if you take it personally, then you will get nowhere and might end up destroying your relationship. Whatever your kids do or say to you, don’t take it personally. Know that whatever your stepchildren are doing is because they miss their biological parent and it’s hard for them to accept you just yet. Give it time and everything will be okay.
Going in with High-Expectations
If you go in with high expectations, then you will certainly be disappointed. You have to realize that your stepchildren were attached with their biological parent and will not accept someone new right off the bat. So keep your expectations in check before moving into a blended family.