Parents have a tendency to blame themselves for behavioral problems of their kids. The blame actually stems from the fear parents have about repercussions of their teens’ behavior in the outside world. So, parents read, research and seek professional help to understand how to parent a difficult child. Instead of blaming yourself or others, adopt parenting techniques that would inculcate in your teens the importance of children taking responsibility for their actions.
Problem with blaming is that teenagers develop victim thinking which curtails their growth to become a responsible person in an adult world. Often it has happens that the blame game shifts from parents to the teachers, peer group and even the community they live in. But the circle completes where it originates from – the teens themselves.
Parents need to realize that children’s lack of behavioral or academic development may have different reasons behind them, which parents can’t be blamed for. When teens are faced with failures or difficulties, they tend to dump the entire blame on their parents. Parents, out of guilt, take this seriously and often blame the school management and teachers, which gives them some relief from the guilt. Not trying to trivialize parenting techniques of any couple, but the responsibility falls on the parents to keep a check on their teens’ progress at school and activities at home and outside.
Making excuses and giving explanations is the defense mechanism of teenagers, where they try to put the entire blame on someone else. Parents should not feel guilty and need to see their children in an objective light. They should make their teens face the consequences of their actions, so that children learn to manage themselves and perform better in future. Almost every teen goes through a phase where they have behavioral issues at school and outside. But parents have to teach them to take responsibility and help them modify their behavior for a healthy adult life.
The blaming habit of the child begins early in life. In school children would blame their younger siblings or pets for not doing their homework and as they enter teen life they would blame their teachers and parents for any misconduct. Parents need to realize that sometimes these blames may take a more severe form and end up hurting people. This is necessary for parents to understand the pattern of inappropriate behavior in their teens, so that they can depict any wrongdoings which the teen will be anxious to blame others for.
Kids need to be taught about consequences at an early age and during adolescence; parents should reinforce the concept of taking responsibility for their actions. Teens should be told that consequences are not punishments, but an exercise to make them reasonable and responsible human beings. On the contrary, when parents take the blame or make excuses for their teens’ actions, they compromise ethical values of their kids that can’t be nurtured in future. Covering for your teens’ behavioral issues is not the correct approach. By doing so, parents will only exacerbate the problem. The best approach is to deal with it and make your teen realize their mistakes; and if behavioral issues go beyond your control, seek professional help to stabilize your teen.