The line dividing sibling rivalry and bullying is not as thick as the attitude of most parents towards it make it seem. In fact, a research by the Clemson University psychology professor Robin Kowalsk and co-author Jessica Skinner explored the seldom-discussed issue, only to discover that it was far more prevalent than feared. 75 percent of the participants in the study reported being bullied by their sibling, while an even higher percentage of 85 percent participants conceded that they had, at some stage, bullied a sibling. The research results leave no doubt whatsoever as to the seriousness of the issue and the necessity for parents to know how to handle bullying at home.

What constitutes sibling bullying?

Bickering over who gets to sit in the front seat of the car, decide where to order food from, hold the remote control of television, etc is common among siblings and is routinely dismissed as sibling rivalry by parents. However, an escalation in this rivalry can bring it to the point where one sibling constantly and intentionally starts hurting or humiliating the other, be it out of jealousy, insecurity, or most commonly, because they can due to power imbalance. At this point, it no longer remains a harmless sibling rivalry, but is in fact bullying. The motives are similar to that of peer bullying i.e., asserting control, inflicting pain, or deriving pleasure from the victim’s humiliation.

At first, it would seem highly likely that that it’s always the elder sibling who bullies the younger one, but that may not always be the case. The perpetrator may very well be the younger or middle sibling, who may be asserting their dominance over an elder sibling by exploiting their closeness with either of the parents, or playing the victim card.

Consequences of sibling bullying

Studies have suggested that sibling bullying can be just as damaging for the victim as bullying by peers. Living in close proximity with the very person who may be searching for an opportunity to land a few physical or verbal blows can cause the victim to remain under constant stress, finding it hard to focus on everything and thus suffering academically. The physical and emotional abuse at the hands of a sibling can also cause their self-esteem to dip to an alarming level, and push them into a feeling of helplessness. If the bullying continues, the victim may start waiting for the day they can avenge the torture, thus harboring intense hatred for their bully sibling all the time.

Tackling the sibling bullying issue

Parents’ intervention and vigilance holds the key to preventing and ending sibling bullying. Rather than dismissing it as nothing but horseplay or “kids will be kids”, they need to recognize the seriousness of the matter and tackle it urgently. If any of the kids is identified as the bully, he or she needs to be held responsible and punished, through confiscation of their favorite digital device or suspension of television and Internet privileges, for instance, to convey the message that bullying of any kind will not be tolerated. Furthermore, parents should instill empathy in the problem child, so that the latter may learn to feel and understand the emotions of others and refrain from hurting others. The root cause of jealousy should be identified and dealt with. If it’s power imbalance, efforts should be made to ensure that all siblings are treated equally. If the cause is jealousy, then it should be defused. It is extremely important for parents to avoid giving their kids tags such as “the bright one”, “the naughty one”, “the quiet one”, as this may eventually drive the kids towards an unhealthy competition.

Home is a place where everyone from adults to kids is supposed to feel comfortable, safe, and at ease. Parents must ensure that that is exactly what it remains. Presumptions should be avoided, as a failure to detect and stop problems such as sibling bullying can have dire consequences.