To be the victim of bullying is undoubtedly one of the most traumatic experiences of one’s life. The pain and agony of being ridiculed and embarrassed for the pleasure or egotistical satisfaction of someone else, is not just unforgivable but unforgettable as well. This is why parents of bullied children, who have been victims of bullying themselves too can react very aggressively.

Going Back in Time

Now imagine yourself being the victim of relentless bullying throughout your adolescent years and discovering that your own child too is a victim of the same vicious maltreatment.  As this knowledge induces you into the painful nostalgia of your childhood, it invokes a highly protective maternal response as well. Instantly you feel protective about your child and want to save them the agony of being bullied. Your response in this scenario is crucial for not only putting an end to the bullying and protecting your child from further mental and physical trauma, but also regarding how your child will deal with it and react towards you and others well after this ordeal is over.

Playing Offensive or Defensive?

Lets face it, when it comes to children most parents over react. This over reaction might dissolve the situation at hand, but also send a unique message to your child. It could either send your child scurrying for space because of your “helicopter parenting” tactics, or it could expose your weakness, which they can manipulate in future to get their way.

If your childhood bullying wounds are too raw and you react too profoundly, it sends your child a message that you pounce without checking the facts. As devious as it may sound, for a child it’s a piece of knowledge they can use towards getting their own way. This knowledge helps them use you like a weapon against opposition at home, school or the play ground. All they have to do is point an accusatory finger at someone and you’ll take care of the rest.

So make sure your reaction to your child being bullied in any sphere of life is measured and appropriate, no matter how bitter the memories it evokes.

Among the other effects of bullying among parents is, becoming over protective of their children. The fear of their child going through the same pain and humiliation makes them so cautious that they try to protect and shield the child from all outside elements. In doing so they turn into what are popularly known as “helicopter parents”. These parents anxiously hover over their children in their quest of safeguarding their child. However, such behavior makes the child feel claustrophobic and instead of them turning to you for help and protection, they end-up turning from you. So make sure that you are able to deal with your own anxiety about bullying before you intervene in the life of your children to deal with it. Remember, as a parent it is your natural instinct to be protective of your child, but it is also important to know the difference between being protective and being intrusive.

Redefine the Past

If you are still having trouble figuring out which position you fall on the parental spectrum, get acquainted with Emily Bazelon, a parent, senior editor of Slate and author of the book “ Sticks and Stones: Defeating the Culture of Bullying and Rediscovering the Power of Character and Empathy”. In her book Emily talks about how over anxious parents have turned over coming bullying into a point scoring game and forgotten the aspect of character building and moral upbringing of their children. In her opinion if given a choice she’d rather have her kids as victims of bullying rather than have them bully someone. Her choice is based on the fact that she has tried to drive home through her writing, that when a kid is bullied it offers parents and society in general a chance to build the child’s character and confidence towards standing up for himself. On the other hand a child who is bullying is a reflection of parenting based on scoring points to make your presence felt.

If you were bullied as a kid and now your own kid is being picked on as well, this may be hard for you to comprehend but the long term affects of bullying are more or less the same and just as severe as those of being bullied. The perpetrator and the victim of bullying both suffer from anxiety, stress and depression as long term affects of bullying. So whichever side of the fence you are on, on this issue make sure that you use this opportunity as a means of doing more good then just drawing up fences around you and your child.